I didn’t have the confetti-throwing, bubbly-sipping, party-rific New Year’s Eve I wanted in ringing in 2012. I did have awesome company, an excuse to dress up and the sparkly, city atmosphere I crave. (I did not have a hangover, which is worth having a tamer N.Y.E.) I think that many times, our paths are chosen for us.
I was in a standstill of traffic at the stroke of midnight and wouldn’t have known I had missed the countdown if it weren’t for the chorus of horns that began ringing out. Suddenly, fireworks appeared in the sky nearby. Some guy stuck half his body out the car window and swirled his dreadlocks around and around, in a way, mimicking the fireworks display. It may not have been what I expected, but it was memorable. I think back on it fondly and can only hope it effectively set the tone for 2012.
In my New Year’s blog post from last year, I predicted that my year would be peaceful, based on my evening, and it was anything but. Looking back, though my 2011 New Year’s Eve wasn’t volatile, it wasn’t all that happy, either. I may have been coming down from a Christmas high, eating amazing food by my then husband, who doted on me while I was sick, but those things didn’t bring me a genuine sense of happiness and peace. They were good for the moment. They were a band aid for deeper issues. It was so easy for us to set aside the important things, for temporary harmony. If you want to get deep, my being sick might have been a metaphor for something dragging me down that I couldn’t fight.
However, in re-reading what I had to say that New Year’s Eve, it was pretty clear that I had a strong sense of self. I know what makes me happy. I know what I want in life and the attitude with which I want to wander through this journey of life. I can’t control anyone else, though, and that is what has landed me in limbo. What I can make into a more positive experience, I will. And that’s exactly what I set into motion in 2011.
Looking forward to 2012,