From Bundle of Joy to Tiny Wrecking Ball in the Blink of an Eye
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| Angelo and me, on a daily basis |
My son is almost one, regardless of my denial. He is walking and chattering away in his own language, usually in loud, angry-sounding tones that turn into maniacal laughing.
Getting dressed these days means navigating my closet by way of toys scattered on my closet floor. I have to keep a stash in there, so that when my screaming son (this time out of true hostility) insists on being under my feet as I get ready, I can give him a distraction to play with.
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| Angelo, when he sees our chihuahua |
Sometimes I think it will be a relief to no longer have a playpen, Exersaucer, play kitchen and toys taking up my living room 24 hours a day. Then, I remember how I thought the day would never come when I wouldn’t have a changing station set up on my dresser, a breast pump on my nightstand and a bassinet next to my bed. I knew even then, despite being up at all hours and feeling like a shell of a human being, that it wouldn’t last forever and that I should cherish the moments when he just needed me to hold him. I’m not saying this because a year out, the negative memories have faded thanks to oxytocin. I’m saying it with proof of my journal entries from that time in Angelo’s life. I planned for the past year of my life to belong to a baby, so even though I didn’t know quite how hard that would be, I embraced the challenges.
Though the idea of a Baby Guild #2 is in the far distant future, if at all, I know my experience with Angelo was a once in a lifetime event. Unless I win the lottery and hire a live-in nanny, I won’t have the luxury of caring for one helpless human being so completely. (Yes, I consider the Hell Days a luxury, firstly, because there was a time that I thought it wouldn’t happen to me, and secondly, because we manage to make being a stay-at-home mom a financial possibility.) I will be pulled in two directions. I will be more frazzled, and less tolerant. (And you mothers of multiple children know exactly what I’m talking about, so don’t try to persuade me into thinking otherwise.)
As Angelo’s birthday approaches and I am celebrating not having to spend $70 on formula a month anymore, I’m also predictably nostalgic over just how far this tiny science experiment has come. Dan and I are pretty damn proud of our craftsmanship.
