You Don’t Need That in Your Hospital Bag

This is a departure from my usual content, but it needs to be written. As a death doula, I can tell you that a copy of your advance directive is one of the only things you actually do need to bring with you to the hospital.

When you become pregnant, you don’t just get advice from people, but also from websites, apps, and baby registry companies. One thing they universally seem to agree on is that you will need a checked bag’s worth of junk in your hospital bag. Most of the items on their hospital bag checklists are truly laughable. (A bottle of champagne to celebrate afterward? Come on, What to Expect.) Every delivery and person is different, but here are a few things you can leave at home:

-Medical supplies for you and for baby. This includes your maxi pads and postpartum underwear, your baby’s diapers, and your breast pump. Do not bring these things! These suggestions are crazy talk! You realize you will be in a medical facility, prepared for all of this, and you will be charged for these products and services regardless, right? Tucks, Dermaplast, stool softener, peri bottle, pain meds, and on and on…You need it? They provide it! They didn’t provide it? Ask them for it! Call the maternity floor and double check in case you live in a very rare city that does not automatically provide these. When I called mine, they laughed at me. Seriously. Don’t bring this stuff. Caveat: if you have other medical needs unrelated to the birth of your child, like a specific prescription you take daily, that’s on you to make sure you have it.

-Momentos, family photos, and your baby book. How long exactly do you think you will be in the hospital? Do you have a cell phone? If so, you have a notes app and you likely have family photos in there, too. This is assuming you will have time and energy to do anything other than sleep when you aren’t trying to care for this new, little, alien that’s come out of you.

-A stopwatch for contractions. Do you think there won’t be a medical team monitoring you while you’re there? And again, do you have a phone with a clock feature? Unnecessary. 

-Your own pillow. You will be provided with a pillow (or more, if you so choose) and you will not give a shit what type of pillow it is, I promise. 

-Nightgown, pajamas, socks, slippers, etc. No. What are you thinking? You will be bleeding everywhere! This is like your period times 10. Stain the hospital gowns they provide you with! They will even give you super attractive nonskid socks that you can even take home as a souvenir! The only clothes you need are a nursing/pumping bra (or just a sports bra with absorbent nursing pads if you are not planning on breastfeeding) and the ones you plan to leave the hospital in. Pro tip: Make it a dress or caftan. Pants will be the enemy for a little while.

-Blankets, onesies, burp rags. These will be provided for you. The baby will likely be wrapped in a blanket because they will need to be unwrapped often for diaper changes, and to be checked out by the medical team for various things, at all hours of the day and night.

-Prenatal vitamins. No one will die if you miss 3 to 5 days (or more) of prenatal vitamins. 

-Eye mask. You will be exhausted. You may forget to brush your teeth. You won’t know what time or day it is. What makes you think you will be hyper sensitive to low lighting and unable to sleep without an eye mask when given the chance?

These items aren’t just unnecessary in my book, but also according to multiple moms I polled for this article. We’re not sure if it’s capitalism trying to get you to buy more than what you need or what, but everyone making these hospital bag checklists seem pretty delusional. And we all agree that you should actually leave room in your bag for all of the free supplies (not actually free because you’ll be getting a big hospital bill whether you take them or not) and paperwork you’ll be bringing home with you.

What’s the most ridiculous thing someone suggested you bring in your hospital bag?